The Perils of Dating at Work

[charleychacko]

In they walk into your office, gorgeous, presentable, sexy and in an instant the drudgery of a lifetime at your workstation has been banished. What follows is email flirting, chats over the coffee machine, a quick drink after work and before you know it, your brand new girlfriend or boyfriend is the person working opposite. You would never do that would you? Would you!

The fact is, a large minority of people do meet and date through work. It is a fact of life and surprisingly natural given that we spend 8 hours or more a day with people we are paid to be with in a building that is either too cold or too hot. For many, the majority of our waking days are spent at work, not at home and as time passes it is very understandable that bonds are forged and romantic relationships develop.

And to that end, I have no worries. Until that is, it all goes terribly wrong. Now of course there are plenty of you out there reading this who are currently either seeing someone at work quite happily or have done so with no ill repercussions. And thank your lucky stars for that. But for the grace of God, its all too easy to go the other way. Okay all relationships begin innocently enough, it is exciting to have a new date anyway, but to be falling in love with someone you can see during work hours is an extra treat. You may not work in the same job or office, but you may be in the same building or company, able to get in touch at a moments notice. Certainly lunchtimes take on a  whole new meaning and work becomes for a time a delight not a chore.

The problem is, what happens when things begin slowly to fall apart. Okay so you are professional and good at your job. You are able to concentrate even through a category 5 tornado and so you would never be affected but affairs of the heart. Your job and career are too important to you. And that is great, but I don't believe you. When relationships begin to go wrong you begin by spending an inordinate amount of time questioning yourself, the situation, the other party, your sanity and everything about you. In other words, you think a lot. Which means - you are not thinking about the paper work on your desk.

Distraction means loss of performance, means loss of control, means possible loss of career. Is anyone worth that? Well maybe yes, if you hate your job and feel you have no career and all your bills are paid then go for it. But as most of us are not in such a luxurious position we need to step more carefully. You should think before you leap - in particular about how your company would handle a broken relationship in office time.

Little by little, the person rapidly exiting your life becomes not a delightful interlude but a major distraction in the office, someone to focus not kind thoughts but someone you can harbor doubts about. Your best friend is told the details and soon everyone knows. In other words, your relationship has become the office gossip whether you realize it or not. Then we get divided loyalties, the boss's awareness of something wrong. They are minor distractions but they are still relevant. The problem with office romances is that the object of your affections and possible later disdain is always right under your nose. You don't have the option of disassociation or space, and thereby hangs the real danger.

The problem with dating at work is that you are bringing powerful emotions to bear in a place that is your safe haven from everything emotional. The place where you can hide, is now the place where you are most at risk. There is only one answer to the question of whether you should sate at work. DON'T. Whilst the guy be the coffee machine may be cute, I believe that your salary, career, stability and peace of mind are a great deal more important. We all take chances in life, but as any gambler will tell you, only gamble what you can afford to lose. And dating at work is an incalculable risk.

Keep in mind this valuable lesson by a friend of mine. He dated a girl in his office for nearly two years but he didn't know 6 months before the end that she had decided to break things off. Instead of confronting him and telling him it was all over, the woman worked steadily on his boss passing on all sorts of allegations until without warning my friend was fired and lost a $150,000 salary and his girlfriend, on the same day. Subsequently he also lost his house too.