Alabama Jokes

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Alabama Jokes
State Slogan: Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity

Alabama Dumb Laws

# It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

# Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.

# It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.

# Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.

# Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.

# Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.

# It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.

# You must have windshield wipers on your car.

# You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.

# Masks may not be worn in public.

# Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.

# You may not drive barefooted.

# It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.

# It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.

# Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to men.

# Incestous marriages are legal.

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Jasper
# It is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb.

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Lee County
# It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.


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Mobile
# It is unlawful to howl at ladies inside the city limits.

# It is unlawful to wear women's pumps with sharp, high heels.

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Montgomery
# It is considered an offense to open an umbrella on a street, for fear of it spooking horses. (Repealed)

An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?" Q: Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Alabama State Lottery?
A: The winner gets $3 a year for a million years.

Q: Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A: Everyone has the same DNA.

Q: Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Birmingham, Alabama burned down?
A: Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park.

A new law recently passed in Alabama: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister.

Q: What's the best thing to ever come out of Alabama?
A: I-20 and I-10

Two Alabamans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" "Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?"

Q: What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas, and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
A: Somebody's fixin' to lose them a trailer.

An Alabaman came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have them big red trucks?"

Q: Why do folks in Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?

A: 'Cuz 17 and under not admitted.

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Are ya Chicken?
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke.

The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?"

The guy says, "Nah."

To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?"

The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times."

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Elevator
A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they're walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.

While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.

The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.

The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!

Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"

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Kindergarten
Billy Bob and his family moved from Alabama to Maine to so his Paw could find better work picking potatoes. The next day Billy Bob started his first day of kindergarten. When he got home he rushed to tell his Paw, "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to ree-cite the alpherbet today en Ah wuz the onliest one that could!"

His Paw replied "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

The next day he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, Teacher ast us to count as high as we could en Ah counted the highest!"

His Paw replied, "That's cuz you's from Bama, son!"

The next day, he came home and told his Paw "Paw, Paw, today, when we wuz all in a line, Ah noticed Ah wuz the biggest of all! Ah bet that's cuz Ah'm from Bama, huh Paw?"

His Paw replied, "No son, that's cuz yer 17 years old."

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Rabid Dog
Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog's collar, and twists, breaking the dog's neck and killing him instantly.

A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act of bravery I've ever seen!" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!"

The little hero sees this and says, "But sir, I'm not a Bama Fan, I'm an Auburn Fan!"

The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: "Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet"