Alabama Jokes

[ben2ong2]

You're probably an Auburn fan if ...
... You can play the Auburn fight song using your armpit.

... Your wife's idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard.

... The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What's that smell?"

... You're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program.

... You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you.

... You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name.

... You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2 !!!

... You won't buy a Japanese car because you're afraid you won't understand what they say on the radio.

... Your kids go to a private school and they won't tell you where it is.

... Your Granny beats you in the tobacky spittin' contests.

[ben2ong2]

Length vs. Height
Two Auburn Engineering students were tasked to measure the height of a flag pole as a class assignment. They decided to measure the flag pole outside of Legion Field at the south end of the stadium. While attempting this task one student would hold the tape while the other climbed the flag pole with the other end of the tape. Much to their disappointment the student climbing the pole kept sliding down and could not get to the top.

An astute Alabama graduate was observing from a distance and suggested that the Auburn students disconnect the flag pole and measure the pole while on the ground.

The Auburn students enraged by the suggestion yelled out " We want to know how tall it is not how long it is you idiot"

[ben2ong2]

Question ans answer
Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?
A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.

Two Auburn fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird."
The other one looks up into the sky and says, "Where?"

Q. Do you know the difference between an Auburn fan getting run over by a car and an Alabama fan?
A. There are skid marks in front of the Bama fan!!

Two innebriated Auburn fans are walking along a railroad track.
One says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!"
The other says, "It's ain't the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"

Q. What's a seven course meal at Auburn?
A. A possum and a six-pack.

Q. Do you know why Terry Bowden was fired?
A. He was too short to step down.

An Alabama offensive lineman who doesn't hold, a humble Florida Gator, and Santa Claus all checked into the same hotel. As they entered the elevator, they spotted a $50 bill on the floor. Who ended up with the money and why?
Answer: Santa Claus - the other two aren't real!

Q. What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?
A. Please open other end.

This year's Auburn team is so sorry they have to buy a house just to get a yard.

Q. How do you keep an Auburn football player out of your yard?
A. Put a goal post in it.

Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a roomfull to sit around and talk about how the BEAR would have done it.

[ben2ong2]

Doughnut Seeds
An Alabama and an Auburn cheerleader where each late for breakfast at cheerleading camp so they had to eat cereal instead of a hot breakfast.

The Alabama cheerleader fixed her bowl of Cheerios and went to sit at a nearby table.

The Auburn cheerleader picked up the box and started to poor herself some, but suddenly stopped with a dumb look on her face.

The Alabama cheerleader asked her what was wrong, to which the Auburn cheerleader replied, "Nothing. I've just never seen doughnut seeds before!"

[ben2ong2]

Firing Squad
A Bama alum, a Tennesse alum and an Auburn alum have been captured by Iraqi forces and are about to be executed by firing squad.

First, the Bama alum is blindfolded and placed in front of the firing squad. The Iraqi officer said, "Ready, aim...."

The Bama alum yells "Sandstorm!" and all the Iraqis hit the dirt and the Bama alum runs away.

The Tennesse guy was placed in front of the firing squad. The officer said "Ready, aim.....";

The Tennesseean shouted " Tornado!!!!". All the Iraqis again hit the dirt while the Volunteer escaped.

The auburn guy thought this was great. When he was blindfolded, again the officer shouted "Ready, aim...."

The Aubie shouted "FIRE!"

[ben2ong2]

Can't Get Out!
An Alabama fan was driving down a country road when he came upon two Auburn football players hitchiking. He told the Auburn players to jump in the back of his pick-up truck. He then drove down the dirt road rather fast and lost control of the truck as they were going around a curve. The truck landed in a lake. The Alabama fan scrambled to the surface and swam to the bank. When he looked back at the lake, the two Auburn football players were still sitting in the bed of the truck looking frantic.

As the truck began sinking the Bama fan yelled for the Auburn players to get out truck, to which they replied, "We're tryin' to get out, but we can't get the dang tailgate open!"

[ben2ong2]

Brains
A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled "New York Football Player Brains" , $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.

The clerk replies, "Well, we've got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Alabama football brains for $1,000,000 an ounce."

The man says, "Why the big difference in price?"

The clerk answers,"Do you know how many Alabama football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!"