Alabama Jokes

[ben2ong2]

Question ans answer
Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!

Q. What's the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles

A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I'd like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."

Q. What is the most common line used by an Auburn alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?

Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.

Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they're afraid of Alabama Power.

Q. What do you call a genius at Alabama?
A. Visitor.

Q. Whats the difference between Alabama and cheerios?
A. One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!

Q. What was the last thing David Housel said to Terry Bowden?
A. Don't let the door knob hit you in the head!

It was recently announced that a franchise was building a new Taco Bell in Tuscaloosa. The University's response was "Why do we need another phone company?"

[ben2ong2]

Shug's House
After Bear Bryant dies and enters the Pearly Gates, God takes him on a tour. He shows Bear a little two-bedroom house with a faded Alabama banner hanging from the front porch.

"This is your house, coach," God says happily."Most people don't get their own houses up here."

Bear looks at the house, then turns around and looks at the one sitting on top of the hill. It's a huge, beautiful two-story mansion with white marble columns and little patios under all the windows. Auburn flags line both sides of the sidewalk and a huge Auburn banner hangs between the marble columns.

"Thanks for the house, God," Bear says. "But let me ask you a question. I get this little two-bedroom house with a faded banner and Shug gets a mansion with Auburn banners and AU flags flying all over the place. Why is that?"

God looks at him seriously for a moment, then says, "Bear, that's not Shug's house. That's mine."

[ben2ong2]

Quarters!
An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.

The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"

To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"

[ben2ong2]

Question and Answer
Q. Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A. 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Q. What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas and a Hurricane in Florida have in common?
A. Somebody's fixin' to lose them a house trailer.

Q. Why do folks from Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A. Nobody admitted 17 and under.

Q. What do you get when you have 32 Alabamians in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth.

Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A. Everyone has the same DNA.

Q. A new law was passed in Alabama recently.
A. When a couple gets a divorce, they're still brother and sister.

Two Alabamians are walking down different ends of a street toward each other and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?"

"Jus' some chickens.

"If I guess how many there are, can I have one?"

"I'll give you both of them."

"OK. Ummmmm......, five?"

An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Say, don't you still have those big red trucks?"

The Alabamian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back seat?" she asked.

"No," he replied.

A few minutes later she asked, "Now do you want to get in the back seat?"

"No," he said again, "I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."

Q. Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
A. Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!

[ben2ong2]

No Driver
Several years ago the city of Birmingham decided to lease several English style double decker buses to transport the Auburn and Alabama fans to the Iron bowl. On this bus, the Auburn fans were on the bottom level and the Alabama fans were on the top deck. as we started off to the stadium, all of the Auburn fans were making a lot of noise yelling "War Eagle" and having a good time. We noticed that the Alabama fans were quiet. Not a sound was coming from the upper deck.

I decided to go up top and see what was wrong. As I arrived up top , I noticed that all of the Alabama fans had their hands clasped on the rail in front of them and they all were white as a sheet. I was stunned. I asked them why they all were so frightened?

They replied with fear in their eyes, "WE DON'T HAVE A DRIVER."

[ben2ong2]

Question and Answer
Q. How do you keep Freddie Kitchens from hitting you with a football?
A. Wear a Bama jersey!

Q. How did the Alabama student die from drinking milk?
A. The cow fell on him!

Q. Why do Alabama students have TGIF on their shoes?
A. Toes Go In First!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama quarterback who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage?
A. He missed!

Mom: Only 2 more minutes until 1998.
Dad: I'm going to bed.
Son: But Dad, you're going to miss the ball drop....
Dad: Hey Son, I've seen it plenty of times..I'm an Alabama fan you know!!

Q. What is the one thing that keeps so many Alabama football players from graduating?
A. CLASSWORK!

Q. Did you hear about the Alabama fan who froze to death?
A. He went to the drive in...He sat through "Closed for the season"!!

Q. How do you get an Auburn student off your porch?
A. Pay him for the pizza!

Two Auburn fans have been walking in the woods for eight hours when they stop and one turns to the other and says, "I'm cutting the next Christmas tree we find, lights or no lights."

Q. What's the difference between a University of Alabama sorority sister and a scarecrow?
A. One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.

[ben2ong2]

Stupid Rednecks!
A guy went to Tuscaloosa and picked up one of those new Mercedes. He was testing it out in the parking lot, turned on the radio and nothing happened.

Furious, he demanded to see the sales manager, and told him "When I buy a $50,000 car I expect the dang radio to work."

The sales manager explained to him that the radio had been programmed to his voice and all he had to do was tell the radio what he wanted to hear.

He got back into the car and said "Country music," and old Willie Nelson started singing. "Rock and roll," he exclaimed, and immediately Elvis started crooning. "Easy listening," he remarked, and all at once it sounded like he was in an elevator. He was relaxed, driving up I-59 to Birmingham, and listening to smooth sounds.

Then a pickup truck with two good ole boys almost ran him off the road. "Stupid rednecks!" he screamed. The radio immediately blurted out, "TOUCHdooooooooown AllaBAAAAAAAmaaa!!!!"