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When I was at camp, our lecturers were all told to say in their first lectures do not be afraid, to ask any dumb questions.
In the first one person stood up and said duuuhh what is my name,

The next teacher we had, someone stood up, and asked of this lesson about the local lake, what kind of fish are in the lake, the lecturer said don't ask such stupid questions everybody knows that, are you an idiot

The next teacher, said the thing again, it was about the local boats, someone asked some very complex serious questions about the boats, and if they have special engine marks something or other, the lecturers looked dumfounded and said, do not ask such dumb questions,

Why are young skin heads often paedos as they are

People who say they don't care what anybody else, are just people who don't mind people thinking they are thugs, but always attack people when somebody says they are not hard nuts who like attacking people,

A builder who always says who does, this some amateur, when repairing DIY people's roofs, goes to the bank hahahah hahhahaha I'm still laughing at this funniness. He goes to the sculptress, and brings his own sculpture he tried to repair, and they say who did this, some amateur, it all comes back to him, and he apoligises too all the people, he condemned.

A good party trick, is to take out a bath of water and put your bottom in it, and fart a tune, everybody in the embassy says, take a look at this guy

A man goes to the Rose New Tower, in Chicago, for a TV programme, stating that 10 years ago, Professor Ridlington-Hampton, from Harvard University stated that nuclear power is not of any use, today I visit this building again to talk with a man that says it is useful, they have a 10 minute discussion on the subject, at the end of the programme, the man, says 2 years ago this building was taken over by the home for the dangerously right wing.

Flies quick, talkers, actually saying mind if I sit on your cake and eat some it please,

I was criticised at work today as I was unable to put my message across in an email, I was saying that we are having the British Isles open day at the local conference centre, and that there was a message, , I said, A Irishman, phones a Scotsman, and a Welshman, and he phoned Englishman, top say all the stuff that happened, everybody thought my newsletter was a joke, actually I was just saying they phoned eachother, and in the rest of the email which they did not read, as they thought it was a joke, that there was a flood, so they had to escape in a boat,

We have a knew boss, all the staff had to write a list of what they like, I said I normally like a hour at the end of each day, to relax, and sleep, so I have been fired,

What does a person from Merseyside who adores Pate, do in the toilet, a Liverpoo,
Please stop correcting the spelling of that spellmaster,

Why not have a sparkly jacket that sparkles

I got a job, as a helper for a clown, he said buy me some joke, soap, I could only find normal soap, on the bad side, he could not do that joke, but on the good side he was the cleanest clown in the world

Have you noticed the moon looks like a half eaten banana eaten bit on, A Great index of Comedy and joke sites, 100s of jokes, are 1 click away,

I said 200,000 people watched the Lonympics derby, they must all have felt like a bunch of doughnuts,

I was watching TV, and a man was asked a question by the man in the audience he looked like he liked the question, but also like the questioner, who asked it, both looked pleased, it was like that edition of Bilko, when Doberman, meats a general who resembles, him, and says hmm he is very charismatic looking, give him the award of most handsome man, actually it was himself,

I crossed the ball, and hit my brother's head, and went in

In my new job I had to get those small matchstick boats inside bottles, I pushed them all in, and they all broke,

A CIA man is fired, for reading out his password aloud, every time he tries to get in the Pentagon

He says I might aswell Buzz aldrin like some say Buzz of then,

For sale a comedy bumper sticker, after this people will perhaps not question your parking so much

Someone told me that urine, and urea, are the same thing all over the body, I told these people, that it may be true for them, but for me, it is not,

What is it with Australians, like people from Brisbane, I heard they like nothing better than A barbie, and a bear, I invited them, all over, to see my dancing bear I rescued from a Romanian farm, and gave them all plastic dolls, and they all said, where's the bear, wheres the barbie, I was so offended I asked them all to leave.

What about that saying chalk and cheese, they go together like chalk and cheese, well that is all fair and well, but chalk does not go well with anything, tomatoes,. ice cream, chocolate not a good mix.

People say the army is hard, but what about all the hand bags they carry on their backs.

Here is a university report, from the university of Lonympics, a college which has been critisised about it's teaching practicises by it's internal reports, about the evolutionary connection between birds and dinosaurs, it says do not attack pigeons, as they are baby tyrannosaurus rexes.

Think of those hobby things job application forms always have, just imagine you gave all the other necessary qualifications, a university degree, brilliant interview, charming performance excellent references, then you have your hobbies, collecting doo doo from the pavement, and keeping it in glass jars, in your bedroom, AND IT MUST BE HUMAN DOO DOO, from last night's drunks, i jest i jest, gag ga goo ga

Being a small cat being chased by a doberman, must be like a human being chased by a giant t rex

I suppose right wingers who believe in Christianity are fooled by their own stupidity when they say why wasn't Jesus rich,

I saw a blog, and it did not allow commenting by robots, the question was what is your fave food, and the only answer that is wrong is oil.

Why do people always say does this look good on me, I mean I can understand if they are talking about a hat, but are they planning to wear a skirt on their head.

A old man tells off a man for jumping on the grass, saying he is hurting the lawn,

What about those farms that have 12 sheep and 1 lama in a field, does it not make the farmer look stupid, like he can not tell the difference between a sheep and a lama,

What a bout a comedy clip where your nation's commentators pretend there is nothing wrong with your nation's players tackles when there is no doubt they were bad, as a joke, to show silly bias,

You know that famous model, she wants you to be her husband,

I was told as a manager a player had a great foot, I put him on as my striker, it turned out he had a grapefruit, so I was fired from the club,

What does a man with glasses say to some fish in the lakes that are going to have nuclear power stations built by them, hi there 4 eyes, (it is OK for me to say that as I have glasses)

Why do rich snobs not like potatoes, as they are too tatty (a word for potatoes)

What is a sweet loving sheeps' favorite noise, chocolate bahhs,

Who is the funniest Irish politician, Mayor O'HAHAHAHAHA ha ha ha ha hee heeh teehh he,

If you like rivers, and if not you are inseinne, or indenile, or not, take a look at this site, then back to the jokes You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

Which political Party in Britain is most likely to be arrested for perverted behavior, the U C I P


We have set up a new place that sells pictures, of things for mobiles, I can not understand why it is failing, old ancient pictures would surely be popular among young people, You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

I did a do in the toilet I put the label winnie, on it, so it is Winnieh the Pooh,

Why did lassie show allot of affection, to Chaplin, he thought his fame could rub off on him

What about the way, that bald people, can look like themselves upside down in photoes, and how an elephant upside down, looks like a person who thinks global warming is not happening

I thought a storm, had destroyed a sign, that said, tel, 01777 actually it was a message to from star trek high command to tell robot 01777 something,

A player in my team is called yaloog, And another in the opposing team, is called yaloog, so whenever yalo scores his own goals, he sees Yaloog, claim the credit in the match report. you know OG is the word for Own Goal in newspapers,

In what sport would you expect to a have a albatross and a eagle, I tell you, bird racing,

my pals divorce lawyer is so good, he got his house, and all the kids custard, the man, and woman, had to leave the house, it was now the lawyers, they were not even getting divorced,

People say hypnotism, is no threat, what about when the man who thinks he is invisible pulls down the hypnologists trousers

Yes the police do feel guilty about the recent bad mistakes, they are looking at their sources, yes which one, tomato, brown, or maybe tartar

Me and my twin are very brave but we are against fighting and never fight, to show this once, my brother walked past one of those 4 feet high armour statues, that are ion hotels, and he went up to it, and went up to it, and showed his fist pretending to be like a thug, saying oi you oi you, pretending to grab his collar, well that is like most of the young people in our town for real real, women too, and they are liking to pretend decent people are criminals too. when they are, I am only joking,

I was listening to a radio station which says, guess the year, they said, guess the year, it was Duran Duran were number one, and Italy won the world cup, somebody said 1836, another said, is it 1987, the guy who said, 1987, had just woken up from a coma, and the radio station was the first people he reached,

If somebody insults you, say what they said, back, and say you can dish it out, but can't take it, but the scumbags will have no sense of humour if you say it back,

What about a ferrari ice cream seller

Somebody applied for a job, master bator, they have to fit the bate on the fishing rods

A sheep went to the barbars, he was charged 7000 Euros, he said, ive;' been fleeced

A casino owner, sees himself lose all his money to a great gambler, he rolls a brown dice in his trousers, the same joke can be said, about a log falling sdown a hill towards a lumberjack, and his brown log

I phoned up a place I could not understand if they saif B, or P, they said, P for prick, I said you disgrace, then they said it was B for Brick, B for basketball,

Abby and Zog are the opposite names of the alphabet,

A man points his finger at a famous person, when he meets him, it looks like a gun, after offering the other hand, it all ends in laughter

Is it not nice they put those small cups on the top of mineral water bottles, they are caps, hoh hoho hoh

i always think security guards are the most suspicous looking people, looking around, dressed to look topugh, looking like whatever

The guy who did the Loss Nech Mosnter joke, in the 1920s, is still laughing how people bnelieved him

A good excuse to the police if you are speeding is to have a tape machone in your car and play it and start talking to it as if it is the car, so you were not speeding herbie, was,

I was going to say I have a cough, but does it matter, matter, phlem,

Why are skinheads, often paedophiles, as they are sadistic thugs, and their wives feel evil is good,

Some say Euro sceptics, just have hate, no this is untrue, they love, much, they love war, they love misery, pain, and of course beating up foreigners.

A local fellow prooved a famous saying true he was throwing stones at houses nearby him, then someone threw one at his, a glasshouse,

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A wise man is asked on who wants to be a millionaire, as the freind, and the presenter hears him looking through the books,. so he is chuecked off. if you would like to see a site my this guy go to You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

You know, I saw some of our fellow Scots, chanting for the English team, last week, yes they were shouting Inca Land, inca land, sorry I got that wrong they were shouting Inca land, inca land, as Peru were playing England, Iam sorry for any offence I have caused

I saw Dr Who, and a man was covered in writing as he was posssesed, all over his face, and arms, and body, i did that trick, for my maths exam,

They end animal experiments, and the monkeys and other animals, knock, on the doors, saying please let us ****** back inm, guive us back the ****** cigs, and alcholhol, where f****n drinking,

Bruce Areana the US manager of soccer 2006 world cup so famous, he had the JFK arena namesd after him

What is a toilet roll in a posh restraunt, a rol,l that all the staff do the toilet in, for the most absusive paedophile lairy, talkative lower class and upper class peop,e,

People say be yourself, what, lie down all day, taking a nap, 24 hours a day,

People say there, are less personalities in sport today, on the fac of it there is good proof, of that, look at the way Steve Davis, in the 1980s, was regarded as boring even though when you see him on the tv, you don;t really want to to change the channel, while today the most so called famous wild child, is a rubbish pop star married to a model, who is arrested fropr drugs, and crime, all the time, and most people say of thism, guy borrring,

The standard of education today is terrible, I went to a school, and only 9 out of 10 of the students could recite the complete works, of shaespeare, while doing a hand stand. the other, did it while jumping with them too.

My cat is a disaster, waiting to happen, I call him astrophic,.

What do you call a surgeon with constapation, dr doo little

When I am in Scotland, and I am feeling lazy, my favourite drink is a can a be bothered,

I always go into local burger bars, and take out all tehe straws they have, and keep one there, I always say this is the last straw, then I get served first, as they think I am angry

I always go into gyms, and say to people who are lifting weights with their legs, on those machines, take the weights off you r feet have a rest

George Bush recently concentrated a new propsal, of a 6 month inflation target in 6 months he will find out what inflation is,

I always take nuts with me in all my pockets in the morning to work, so if anybody hits me, I can hilariously say, you kicked me in the nuts, your sentoff

I always buy oveer 12 year old Age limit things for my nephew, as he is a baby, and so I cam have them

I was seen sunbathing in the local supermarket freezer department, I was doing it to practice for my dream holiday in Antartica

A rich man comes back from a small monarchy where the king makes all the women undress for him naked and dance for him, he chooses the wives, this man is the king's friend, he comes back and says why are we so hang up about clothes, and nakedness, he makes his servants walk around naked, and looks at them naked all day. and is arrested,

I had to leave my LA mansion, as my neighbours were too stupid, yes, I had to look after their cats when they were away, Then when I was out, I left the notes of what they had to do. I wrote a note saying remember to feed the cat, but by it I has one saying remember 2 ink carts, that was to remind to buy 2 ink cartridges, sadly he saw this one, and inked my cat's feet in ink each day, and sent the prints to the police, this saw me have to leave, as my cat suffered, and lost the cat trophy

A guard of honour has to stand still, loadfs of people, go up to him, and try to annoy im, in many ways, and do not stop his face staying the same, I go up, after a day on the bus there, he says, as of the smell, Well I can't stanmd around here all day, things to do things to do,

You think 2 bouncers are the same, and they run after you, And the next to last of our last jokes pages, of our many joke pages

But this one here is our very very last joke page

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Jokes about Dinosaurs

Which Welsh historical figure would be a good country and Western singer, Llewellyn

Just imagine a Yorkshireman, and a Texan met they would be saying I call a spade a spade, and all that then sell a shovel to eachother as a spade, they would get angry that each was being so honest, and be angry in the end.

I saw a tv programme about marine biology, one seemed to very rich, he said he got 1000 squid a day

What was that brown squishy gold, you found in the sewage station

I heard in Glasgow in the 1980s there were ice cream wars between rival gangs, the guy who won though lost the big thing, the Custard Pie wars. They were throwing custard pies at eachother

What about those radio shows which have people phoning in and asking for songs for their loved ones, what if all the male ones is the ame man, i mean everybody else would have so many phone calls they would not get through so only 1 would get through, and so he would be the only one who phoned, and phoned for all his misstresses the adulterous fool

If Jack was Italian, in Jack and the Beanstalk, he could have got away with selling the cows for beans as his Mum, would have said, have you been to the market, and he could say, Iva beensa, But Pinochio of course was Italian. So it was almost true. And the Golden Goose is a Russian legend.

I told my brother I ate that joke doodoo, from the joke shop he left by my car tyre from his dog, he feigned that he did not leave it, there, then I had to have my stomach pumped, it turned out it was a joke after all,

The standard of vet care at times is terrible they say I'll just chicken on him, why would would I want a chicken on my cat

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